Inception

Tons of time to kill today. Figured I’d go after the really big fish, which is Inception. The few negative reviews I’ve read mainly focus on the hack character development and brow beating of the audience on plot points. I’ll go a step further.

Inception sucks donkey cocks. Leo and Ellen Paige are garbage. You have to be so gullible, so willing to buy into the hype for any of this shit to be plausible, even in a sci-fi mindset. I don’t care if the totem stops or not, I was just happy to bounce and not have to take anymore of that FUCKING REPETITIVE blaring music to the dome anymore. Over and over with the same fucking noise. Fuck you Nolan. Write better and skip the ear drum rape.

To each his own and that’s fair enough for me. If you loved it and watched it 10x already and are THE ONE who has all the plot holes sewn up and jack off while writing your thesis on how amazingly symmetrical Nolan’s balls are, then kudos. Symmetry is beauty.

Parts that made me emotionally retarded;

1) Ooooh… I get it Michael Caine taught him this shit in University!!! Must be a gut course, because I got nothing but C’s in classes I slept through.

2) Is that a shaved Teddy Rucksbury? No wait, Ellen Paige.

3) Aaaaah… they have to stop the white kid from getting all the corporate power says the old Japanese guy (with no evidence provided, other than Mr. Miagi’s word…). This one gets a giant What The Fuck? Only Americans would be stupid enough to accept this as plausible. Retards.

4) The white kid/son of megalomaniac corporate honcho is a decent guy who doesn’t dismember hookers on the weekend with a spoon. Also completely implausible.

5) People can’t shoot straight to save their life in dreams.

Wasn’t all bad. I’ll give props to Gordon-Levitt for being cooler than Leo and Tom Hardy for being Tom Fucking Hardy! Maybe Nolan didn’t get his way with the studio, but Leo/Paige are really just ticket pushers. I don’t even know if I can differentiate between Leo in Shutter Island and this. Same stupid face. Seems like he’s always trying to do a Christian Slater impression. My bet is that he saw Gleaming The Cube and is still trying to mentally cope.

But you have to have these fucking people in these fucking movies these days. Remember the last time you saw an ensemble cast movie, with zero stars, in the theater? Maybe My Big Fat Greek Wedding and I’m reasonably certain that’s why Greece went bankrupt. Don’t fuck with Hollyweird.