close call

Fucking asshole cut me off.  Stopped.  Glared at asshole who parked 5 meters away.  Contemplated getting off bike and bludgeoning them with helmet till their face looked spaghetti mixed with raw meat.  Remembered I was late.  Real late.  Swore (in English, fuck that Korean noise) at person exiting car.  Drove to school.

Some people say “culture shock”, which is a polite way of skirting the fact that it’s natural to think people from other cultures are cum dumpsters because they don’t abide by their own country’s norms of behavior.  Personally, I don’t believe in the concept.  It’s just natural for people not to like each other for being different.  My “rage scale” is a much simpler way to classify the same phenomenon.

At this moment, my “rage rating” is about 3 (out of 10).  The vehicular homicide attempt earlier put me at a 2, and then the obligatory comments from my coworkers to starts the day always racks up a 1.  I expect this 1 point everyday thou, so it doesn’t seem quite as bad. 

Dry eyes.  In the morning, my eyes are red.  To the vultures I share work space with, this is like John Belushi’s fresh carcass washing up on the beach after he attempted to eat 30 lbs of sausage and bird seed underwater.  It’s just too hard to pass up. 

This is not theraputic at all.  Rage now at 4.


“Your eyes are red.”  Usually their pick up line before they ruffie (ruffy? don’t know how to spell that) my coffee flavor sugar and start running the hangook train on my cracker ass.

“You look tired.”  I am, thank you.  Would you like to check my prostate?

“What did you do last night?”  This isn’t even a question.  It’s a set up.  Similar to this jokes set up;  You have a kind chin… the kind I’d like to smack my balls against.

“Did you drink last night?” or “Where did you drink last night?” or “What time did you stop drinking last night?” or for the kindy level speakers “Drink?  You!” with the hand motion.  This also is a question with no correct answer.  I’ve never actually tried to answer this seriously.  Wait I did once.  I said, “No.”  Didn’t matter so now I just fuck with them. 

Bad response.  No.

Good response.  No, I didn’t drink last night, but I did bang this cheap hooker raw dog a month ago and now I’ve got HIV and it’s making my eyes red.  Illicits same response as “no”, but is way more fun.

Theatrical response.  Yeah, I did.  I drank until I couldn’t see then woke up next to your wife… and kids.  Then proceed to do Vader impression.  “Min Soo (or Gee or Jung or Hyun or Kia) I am your father.”  This also gets same response as “no”. 

Factual response.  Yup, I drank while soaking my hands in bleach.  I’m worried about getting Hepatitis from one of you fine fellows because no at this school washes their hands after dropping ass and you touch everything.  

Honest response.  Yes, I drank some beer with dinner then I had sexy time until 2am cause I don’t give a fuck about my job performance.  Neither do you. 

Crackers are always bitching here about Koreans saying shit about them, in front of them.  Fuck that.  Just do it back.  If you don’t know enough slang to tell your boss that his tie is ugly, his pencil lacks lead, his kids look like the ebola monkey from Outbreak, and his haircut is the reason he has to pay for sex… then I don’t know what to tell you.  This is a game I play with them.  I feel better now, rage down to 2.

Rage now at 4.  Coworkers just scored 1 point each.  Cowerkor uno “You will have 22 classes per week.”  Cuwarktor dues “You will have 16 classes per week.”  I should start ranking them.


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