Im Back Bitches

I’ve been on hiatus.  Just didn’t have any motivation to slog this crap out. 

Last Friday, I officially packed it in.  Spent all my classes making paper cranes with the kids.  There’s look pretty good, mine look like snot.  Been practicing though. 

Went to Gyeongju this weekend with the woman and the bike.  I’ve seen about 1,400 blogs on hiking/temples/this/that/the other fucking thing… horseshit!  Rather look at your latest dental x-rays.  So I will proceed to bitch about everything.  After all, I’m American.  It’s what we do.  We bitch, talk too loud and could careless about Canadian geography.  Newfoundland’s west coast, right? 

Driving to Gyeongju was about as pleasant as playing tonsil hockey with a cattle prod.  What the fuck.  I know that orderly planning isn’t exactly Korean’s strong point, but the routes there are abysmal.  Maybe the freeway planner, way back when, was just too hungover to do any work so he gave it to his 3 year old son who went ape-shit on it with a 64 pack of crayolas.  Maybe the planner wasn’t feeling so well after eating too much spaghetti, tossed his cookies on the plan, and passed this off as a topographical map to his boss.  See boss, the tomato chunks are mountains and the noodles are the roads. 

Jackasses.

Could argue that a map would have helped, but I had a map of Gyeongju that was extremely precise if you looked at it through a kaleidoscope. 

Tastes Like Finger Ale. Made a batch of Octoberfest Ale on Friday night which turned out really well.  Smelled like heaven.  Unfortunately, the shit Korean equipment I was using decided not to function properly and began leaking.  Handled it like any red blooded male should.  Went into the emergency stairwell, closed the door and belted out a few “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK”s, then calmly re-approached the problem.  Ended up “sanitizing” my left arm and sticking it into the beer to get at the fucked valve to fix it.  This is a big no-no, any sort of bacteria isn’t welcome in homebrew flavor country, but it worked and I haven’t noticed any fingernail taste yet.

Back to Gyeongju.  Went to Gyeongju World, which is an amusement park.  Had one good ride, but it was fun to dork around.  Reminded me of Oaks Park in Portland, but shinier with less carnies.  They freak me out.  Tried to follow excellent tourist map back to hostel, couldn’t find a stairwell to yell in.  Just muttered a lot in helmet.

Finally got back.  Informed the chesty one that I must imbibe on chicken and beer.  She suggested soju, she’s a keeper.  Meandered into the worst chicken/beer/soju restaurant on the peninsula.  Sat for 20 minutes with no service, watching a SURLY (and I mean this old bag was gnarly, even for an adjumma) lady fry shit then drop it on the floor then put it in take out boxes.  Finally, went to fridge to grab some booze, got accosted by bitchjumma who couldn’t understand “gimme some fucking soju” in Korean.  Luckily, there were some drunk, rowdy adjossis who reveled in giving her shit.  They were helpful.  Proceed to get hammered, considered dashing, but decided against it.  She wouldn’t have noticed.  Next time.

Went to a potluck on Sunday night.  Not my shindig, so I had to keep my trap shut.  Really wanted to lay into people for coming to a potluck, but not cooking anything.  I mean how fucking dense are you?  Awesome, I actually cooked and you brought Hite.  Fucking sweet.  How about a door in the face?  Next time, we’ll just cook, the few of us that did, and you fuckers can go get pig fat and Cass.  Sometimes I wish I was Buzzsaw, and life was just one big episode of The Running Man (sans the part where Arnold cuts my junk in half with my own chainsaw).

In conclusion, fuck Monday.

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3 Responses to “Im Back Bitches”

  1. Bravo Says:

    How about a door in the face?

    How bout one.

    What’s yer problem?
    Nothing a shotgun and a roof time won’t fix.

    glad yer back

  2. Bravo Says:

    i mean roof top. Tomorrow’s testing day and I MUST come and do fuckall. so I guess I’m getting drunk too.

  3. showbiz Says:

    What? No pics from your “temple stay?”

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