It’s Pronounced Dumass

I can’t really explain why I’m back.  It’s becoming clear that my History BA has decapitated the word ‘never’ from my sparse, words that don’t start with F, lexicon.

It does get old thou, harping on this fair nation that’s just trying to make its way in this cruel, uncaring, English speaking world.  Figure after 3 years I’ll cut ’em some slack and expect nothing in return, preferably with some red pepper paste on top.  Next to nothing.

The job search was a bit congested.

Someone is proposing a salt ban in nyc restaurants.  Good.  I’d love to see Times Square rockin’ on New Years Eve, a sea of goiters swaying as one.  Gross, but I’m pretty sure that the iodine in salt staves off a sweet neck bubble.  And iodine doesn’t seem that delicious on its own.

Traveling as an American gets annoying.  I’m all for America bashing or any country bashing for that matter, but it seems dimwitted to think that some guy you just met in a hostel who seems more interested his book than others, can fully explain why America is blah blah blah bad blah.  Don’t talk politics anymore and generally abhor people who do.  That’s not fair, but I just don’t want to hear it.  I will say that we are just plain fat.  It’s pretty rough when you can identify your countrymen by stretchy pants and the vertical udder.

On my last e2 reach around, I’d often fantasize about being home and running into some poor lost Korean and just being the biggest dick possible as sweet, vindictive payback.  Not a drunk Mel Gibson level dick, but just rude.  Then it actually happened and I totally folded.  Just don’t have it in me to hate someone based on nationality.  Lakers fans thou… I spit on your grave.

If you’re into hiking at all, Bill Bryson’s “A Walk In The Woods” is a great read.  Basic plot line is; 2 old guys who’re miserably out of shape decide to hike from Georgia to Maine on the something something trail.  Hilarity ensues.  First book I’ve read that consistently busts my gut.

Fellas.  You’re doing it all wrong.  Learn to give a decent massage.  It has been a new revelation to me, but a damn fine one.  Grape seed oil (they have it here) works well as lube and is non-harmful internally- if you get my drift.

It’s unacceptable that the Dude won an Oscar.  If anything they should give it to him retroactively for Tron.

And a high five to everyone on getting through the week.  Make it a high 10!  You can keep 5 and buy some oil to rub your lady down right.  That’s two plugs.

I don’t really have the attention span anymore to be coherent.  I’ll be biherent thou, or even omniherent.  Nah, omni’s no good.  Seems like a good way to get ECC wrapped around your junk.

Someone enterprising needs to start a biscuit and gravy joint.  Don’t look at me.  I can’t find my keys or virginity.  Never thought a lack of sausage would be a problem in Busan.

Breeze Burns is a misnomer.  Chokie Cookie is not.

Why is cheapo cheese better on sandwiches than the good stuff?

Does the “decending life line” bother anyone else.  Seems like a convenient way of not saying, “You’re living in a deathtrap if there’s a fire and good luck doing your first and most likely last attempt at reenacting Cliffhanger.”  Great flick.  The ‘life line’ also seems to run down all the exact same places on the building.  And I thought getting out of the subway door in Seomyeon was tough.  Could give it a test run, but would obviously get in trouble.  Don’t think the ‘just practicing’ excuse would fly.  However, the 97 fold up bicycles in the stairwell is A-OK!

Traveled a bit.  Almost died from Dengue Fever in Cambodia.  Indonesia was the only place I’d go back to.  Everywhere else I just felt like a walking wallet, but that’s the reality of travel these days.  Its all been done.  The trip didn’t seem that valuable until I returned home and had to listen to my friends/family wax poetic about… well, nothing really.  Same same, not different.  Talking to Americans about travel is a bit like talking to monkeys about interior decorating.  Just end up with shit on your walls.


3 Responses to “It’s Pronounced Dumass”

  1. bravo Says:

    that’s what I’m talking about. I thought you were off the interweb.

    Does anyone every call you Diet Cokie or Cokie Cola?

    • whiskeynexhaust Says:

      I’m back. Nobody calls me that, but I’ll try to get it started. However, trying to make your own nickname never works.

  2. bravo Says:

    How bout the count of monty crisco or andy duphranes or Red or Brooks Had aladin’s lamb curry anal sex library at the shankity shank shank o rama.

    I licked a lotta lemon lollipops in Lillihammer.

    You still in Pusan? Yer a good writer. I thought you were a chick at first
    with all the Van Damn! I know now, have known for some time, that you are in fact, not a chick.

    I like Bill Bryson, he’s one funny son of a bitch!

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